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Page Last Updated: Sunday, September 07, 2003 03:29 AM

Blinddates CAN be fun...

The last couple of days, I've entered the "active dating phase" of my life. With dates already planned for the next few weeks and a few (blind)dates last week, I have a lot to tell; about some good and bad experiences.

(Wondering what happened to Julia-->

.. well.. hmm I guess I gave up.

I was getting absolutely nowhere)

I turned 21 last week and had a Bridget Jones' Diary-type attack (read: depression) realising I'm still single. After seeing the film Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (by Jean-Pierre Jeunet), I decided to be a little more active, instead of waiting for something wonderful to happen.

The message of the film is "carpe diem": use the (very few) chances you get in life. "As good things happen often, GREAT things happen just once". (Rat Race philosophy) Take the chance, seize the day, don't wait around, but DO, ACT, TAKE, CONTROL.

So I started to search for the perfect (Asian) girl. Why Asian?

Well, I have a big problem. I look Asian, but I see myself as Dutch. Dutch people think I'm Asian, YET Asian people think I'm Dutch. (since I don't speak Chinese... hell! I can't even eat with chopsticks) The only Chinese people I know are (old) friends from University/high school, but because I don't speak Chinese, I'm not a member of the (fairly large) Chinese (youth) community of "real" Chinese people.

Problem 1: Dutch (caucasian) girls in general like Dutch (caucasian) guys.

I don't look caucasian.

Problem 2: Asian girls in general like Asian guys, YET they want them to be "real" Asian guys that talk Chinese and are a member of their group of Chinese friends.

Problem 3: A surprisingly large group of Asian girls are the "type" that always have a boyfriend. Therefore most are not single.

I have a group of Dutch friends. Since I act very Dutch, I'd prefer a Chinese girl that has more Dutch than Chinese friends and character-wise is more Dutch than Chinese as well. That girl does exist, but there aren't that many. I'm right in the middle of the Dutch and Chinese community in Holland, having contact with both of them, but not being part of them for the full 100%.

Assuming, I'd find a better chance with a Chinese girl (that likes Chinese guys) than with the ONE Dutch girl that likes Asian guys, I still feel I have a better chance within the "real" Chinese community. Of course I'd prefer a half-Asian girl, adopted living in Dutch family (often Korean), or simply a Chinese girl who -like me- feels more Dutch than Asian.

I already found the perfect girl -Mina-, but that's yet another tragic story. Though as she was the first girl, I really fell in love with, and she was half-Chinese, it's another sign I -personally- might actually like Asian girls more than Dutch.

Mina-->

The search for a nice Asian girl was done with ICQ (!):

Find Friends / Similar Interests

use the ICQ White Pages directory

Age, Gender, Language: 17-22, F, Cantonese/Chinese/Mandarin, etc.

Location: (Amsterdam) The Netherlands

CURRENT ON-LINE USERS ONLY--->

After usually only finding one or two at any hour of the day, it only took two days of chatting (with a picture exchange the second day) to meet day three. Not counting the double blinddate (I took my cousin Jayton along)

<--Jayton

I had with Danielle and Lauriane (French-Canadian), my first ICQ blinddate was with Yummie: that's her real name.

Yummie and I didn't have a real blinddate. She had sent me two pictures of her and we talked over the phone before we met. Also two of my friends came along.

11:30 meeting at Leidesquare, drinking at Leidsesquare (she had coffee), 12:00 meet my two friends Wim and Jurriaan.

12:30 free avant-premiere (movie) started of Amelie, Jurriaan left. Wim, Yummie and I walked to Damsquare, had Chinese food / lunch for an hour (Chinatown), played pool for an hour (Rokin), took a tram to my house, played cards (Chinese poker) for an hour. She left 19:00.

Yummie was a nice looking Chinese girl. She is a member of that active "real" Chinese community, going to Asianparties and normally only hanging out with "real' Chinese people. She looked really sweet (read: in that hot summerdress), liked Hello Kitty-stuff, and took the initiative. Wim and I are both wimps and we actually like it if a girl takes control and she did.

However that were all the positives things I could think of. (unless you want me to mention the interesting fact she had amazingly large breasts for a Chinese girl: very impressive)

Yummie had a personality opposite of me. Personality-wise she was COMPLETELY NOT my type:

She smokes, is outgoing, active, likes dancing, only likes "real" Chinese guys.

AND, she also was a little WEIRD. The only friends she has are 25-30 yr old. (she's 18). She didn't know ANY students. She sleeps till 16:00.. breakfast at 18:00.. goes to bed at 4:00 (daily routine, all year long)

She thought I was quote: "way too quiet".. We did have a conversation (thank God by the way, I took Wim along so they could talk to each other too!) but at a bizarre tone.

It was as if I was having a really good conversation with a mental patient of a psychiatric hospital. She had already had dozens of cyber-meetings. (she could add my name, to a really really long list). She never smiles, she doesn't study, doesn't work (doesn't want to say what kind of education she has, or what she has planned for the future) and she often talked to Wim in Cantonese -being really rude- knowing I wouldn't be able to understand it. (Her Dutch in addition wasn't that good. Although she has lived in Holland her whole life, she speaks Chinese more as all her friends are Chinese)

It's hard to explain exactly why she was a bit weird. Her tone (not tone of voice, but tone of conversation) just didn't make sense. (as if you're talking to a loony) Also her reaction to everything said was unusual. For example, asking her if she wanted to go to my house, I'd expect any sane girl to say "no".. , but she said yes without hesitation.

Kissing her on the cheeks when she left, felt as if she had done this (internet date) a million times as it was a routine for her.

She was used to this process, that was new to me. In fact, she was so familiar with all this, it felt she had no emotions.

You'd expect a reaction if I would ask a very provocative question, you'd expect a laugh if I'd tell something very embarrassing about myself, but she had no reaction.

The amount of (internet)dates she had, had made her completely numb. And it was THAT (the numbness), that made her very unattractive.

Conclusion: we don't match at any level. I might talk to her on ICQ, but I'm not planning to meet her again. (that probably is vice verse for her too)

My second blinddate was with Kat.

Kat had sent me pics of herself, but they were these bubble-gum type pics she had made in Asia by a professional photographer, so she could look really different in real life.

10:00 meeting at Bellevue (movietheater) to see a free avant-premiere of Rat Race, walk to Damsquare, with the intention to eat DimSum, but it was too crowded, walk to La Place for lunch, tram to Overtoom (to play pool), ride the tram for an hour (there were some problems with public transportation) until our paths split and we both went home around 17:00.

Wim was supposed to come too, but he chickened out after he heard Kat would come along. (He still had nightmares from Yummie!) And unfortunately Kat, was very upset at me when I told her Wim wasn't coming anymore, because I never told her he was in the first place. She tried to make me feel guilty, as if I was being rude for not telling her, though I only felt I had free cinematickets, was doing her a favor to ask her to come along, so she has no influence over the fact if I wanted to bring other people. Anyway, if was confusing, and annoying, but I hope to think we finally settled the problem.

Kat was a fashionable, beautiful girl from Malaysia. She looked a million times better than the pic above, as if she was a famous Japanese supermodel. Wearing fancy shoes, belt, Malay t-shirt, jeans, and cute little matching handbag (and shopping as her main hobby) she was a bit of a fashion-victim, but I adored her for it. She was calm, quiet, didn't smoke (hates smokers!) and didn't like many of the "real" Asian people. (who hang out at the Rokin snooker center)

She thought my way of dressing made me look "honest" although she actually criticized the fact my jacket was "old" and she was surprised of the fact I didn't wear sweaters in winter, but still wore the shirts I always wear.

There were mostly nice things about Kat. She did shopping for her mom (bought some Kleenex), she's an early bird that always wakes up early. She's fluent in Malay/Dutch/English/Cantonese/Mandarin (her Dutch was better than Yummie, although Kat only lives in Holland for 4 years) She totally sucks at pool in an adorable way how she misses every ball, often not even hitting the cueball. She has this sweetness surrounding her and she doesn't even realise it. She's still insecure about how she looks, tries desperately hard to hit the poolball, while she looks like a Final Fantasy comic-book girl and I don't want her to hit the ball properly. It's her shyness, insecureness, combined with an energetic lively spirit that makes her the most attractive girl, I've seen.

Even the weird things about her are great, like the fact she forced me to throw away all my (dirty) tissues in a garbage bin because she couldn't stand it that I carried those things along with me for such a long time.

Her reaction to everything: If I asked a very provocative question, she would get upset. If I'd tell something very embarrassing about myself, she laughed at my desperation.

She refused to go to my house. She even refused that I took a picture of her (I had a disposable camera with me).

She was uncomfortable with the kisses-on-cheeks when our paths split, as it was not routine for her. (this was her first real date after she broke up with her boyfriend) She doesn't eat Chinese food or junkfood for lunch. So what does she eat? --> Chocolatemilk, crappy vendor hotdog's and we when we had lunch she only ordered a piece of American Apple Pie..

Weird,.. but weird in a nice way, as some of us all have weird (read: interesting) traits.

So don't I have ANY negative comment on Kat? Actually, I have. There were some issues. First of all there was a fascinating fatal collision between Malay-culture and Dutch-culture. In Western culture it's normal to LOOK AT SOMEONE when you're talking to that person. It's even normal to have your eyes fixed on the person if you're not talking.

Since remaining to look, is a sign you're interested in the other person.

I knew from tv-shows, it's rude to in Malay/Thailand and some other Asian countries to look at the other person.

You're supposed to look at a fixed point in the room: just don't look directly at the other person.

Kat must have told me a dozen times, I was rude for looking directly at her and I tried to stop doing it, but I couldn't. I'm not used to NOT looking at the person I'm with. And she didn't like it that I did look at her. It gave some complications.

Kat is very polite. She takes compliments very well, as she always gives a polite proper 'thank you' response.

However, in return she also expects a reply when she says something.

When I told her I was going to the movies once on ICQ and she replied "have fun" she was really upset I left -to the movies- without replying "thank you" to her "have fun". I'm not the type of person of the "thank you"-nature always giving a proper response. And I don't expect that type of response from the other person when I make a "have fun" type comment.

It's an interesting personally trait where we simply are different.

All mentioned above aren't really bad things about her. Simply differences. There was one negative thing though. She put me in a bizarre situation, where I felt very uncomfortable. We were going to eat DimSum at a Chinese restaurant, but left when we saw it was too crowded. The minute we left the restaurant, she took my arm and wanted me to tell her how I would solve this. I started walking -not knowing yet where we could eat- and she made me stop again and said:

"You have 5 minutes to make a decision and think of where you're going to take me for dinner"

She actually gave me an ultimatum.

I don't take forced ultimatums very well... (I also don't take decisions very well, but that's another story)

Yet is was the only time, she made me feel really uncomfortable.

Kat only likes Asian guys. Her dreamprince is a cartoon character named Darien.

Darien-->

She thinks I look a bit like him, since I have dark hair, I'm not fat and I'm tall.

Strangely enough both Kat and Yummie imagined I was very tall, after I sent them this picture:

Do I really look that tall?-->

It was a big disappointment for both of them to find out I'm not that tall. I actually think Darien looks a bit dorky (hence the fact she thinks I look a bit like him..*grin*)

Before I met Yummie and Kat.., Yummie said (based on my pictures) I had a smart face (smart boy, clever boy, she called me) and I only looked good when I smiled. Kat thought I was a player and a "Rokin-boy" (the type of Chinese guy that hangs out there) I hope they -especially Kat- know a little bit better now -after our date- what I am really like..

Conclusion: Kat's a sweet sensitive girl, she has a great smile and I really, really hope to see her again.